Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
