She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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