well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
