I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
