I love black thongs
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
