Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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