Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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