From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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