nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
