theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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