I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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