you mean i was at the winter classic?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
