i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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