I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
