Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
