D3 body, D1 cock
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
