I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
