True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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