You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
