what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
