Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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