Dude my mom stole all your condoms
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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