I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
