Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
