I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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