Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
