So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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