grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
