Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
