just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit