i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?