I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day