when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.