I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
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We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
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In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.