yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows