I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
