Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
