i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
