Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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