i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
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