i can't believe i had my finger in that
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
