I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
