My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
