I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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