everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
