I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
