M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
