All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
