Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
