the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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