this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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