WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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