He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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