just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
