So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
