my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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