Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
