i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
