Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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