I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do herpes really smell.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize