my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
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