I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
