I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
