So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
