Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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