what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
It's rum buckets o'clock
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
