I molested 6 butterflies tonight
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
